Why the Messy, Ordinary Photos Often Become the Ones You Treasure Most
There is something funny about the photographs we believe we should take of our children. We often reach for the camera when everything looks just right. When everyone is dressed nicely, the house is reasonably tidy, the light is beautiful and, ideally, everyone is looking at the camera with a smile.
And of course, those photographs are lovely. There is nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful portrait of your family, and you should absolutely have those, too. But after years of photographing families, I’ve noticed that the photos parents often become most attached to aren’t necessarily the ones where everything looked perfect. They’re often the messy, silly, improvised ones.
Here are some tips to help you photograph your family in a documentary way, and preserve those little details that can become surprisingly precious as your children grow.
Let them be themselves
Some children don't particularly enjoy having their photograph taken. And often, I think, it's because they associate the camera with being asked to do something. “Smile!” “Look at the camera!” “Stand next to your sister.” “Just one nice photo!”
When a photograph simply documents what they are already doing, without interrupting them or asking them to perform, children can be much more willing to be photographed. They can just carry on being themselves, and that's when their real personalities come through.
Try putting the camera down for a moment and letting them get on with whatever they were doing. If they are playing, let them play. If they are making something, let them make it. If they are running around the garden, follow them rather than asking them to stop. This is one of the ideas behind child-led photography: rather than asking children to fit into the photograph we have imagined, we allow the photograph to grow out of what they are actually doing.
And that often gives you something much more interesting (and precious) than a perfect smile: it gives you actual memories, and a real glimpse of who they were at that time.
Look for relationships, not just faces
When we think about photographing our children, we often think about getting a nice picture of each child. Or all of them sitting in a nice, tidy row on the sofa. But when it comes to family photos, the pictures that become most meaningful over time are about relationships and unique bonds.A portrait doesn’t necessarily need a face, and it most certainly doesn’t need a smile every time. A little hand reaching for a parent's hand, siblings being silly and laughing together. A toddler looking grumpy because their favourite show is over for the day. A child climbing onto their dad's back. A Mother reading a story. These moments don't have to be perfectly composed. In fact, they often aren't, but that’s ok because it’s not what we’re looking for here. The important thing is that they show a connection and love.
And relationships change too. The toddler who currently wants to be carried everywhere will eventually be too big to pick up. Siblings who spend hours playing together may become teenagers who barely leave their bedrooms. And one day, you might look at those photos and realise just how much has changed.
Don't forget the little details
While telling a story involves showing the whole scene, remember that the tiny, mundane things matter, too. Learn to step back, but also to step closer when needed. Their favourite pyjamas, the stickers covering their bedroom door, or the way they hold their spoon. A tiny pair of shoes by the front door or the little mess on their bedside table. Take photographs of those things too! I promise it is absolutely worth it. Don’t feel silly taking pictures of random things, because years from now, you might not remember exactly what your child's bedroom looked like at six years old, or which toy they carried everywhere. Only a photograph can bring those details back instantly. And that is one of the wonderful things about documenting everyday life. You are not only documenting the people, but also the world they lived in: the atmosphere, the era, and the fashion of the time. That’ll have you smiling in a decade or two!
You don't need (or want) a tidy house
This one is particularly important, and I’ll never stop saying it. Your house does not need to look like a magazine before you take photographs; this isn’t IKEA! Real family homes have laundry on the sofa, dishes in the sink, toys everywhere, and half-finished projects taking over the kitchen table.
That's life, so we want it to look real, right? And while you might not want to photograph every single pile of laundry, you also don't need to remove every trace of family life before picking up your camera.
Years later, you might look at a photograph and think, “Oh yes, that was the year they were obsessed with Lego.” Or, “That was the tiny table where they used to draw every afternoon.” I’m confident you won’t feel any shame about the mess in those photos. Instead, you’ll smile fondly and be kind to your past self. The details that seem unimportant now can help you remember an entire period of your life, so let them into the frame.
Let the photographs be imperfect
Not every photograph needs to be sharp. Not every photograph needs to be beautifully composed. Sometimes the photo you nearly delete because it is slightly blurry is the one that makes you smile years later. As a family photographer documenting families as well as my own, I make it a rule to never, ever delete a photo on the spot. I always give myself a few days, look at it on my computer first, and then decide. You’d be surprised how many photos I’ve chosen to keep after all!
A technically imperfect photograph can still be incredibly precious if it preserves something that mattered to you. It could be a particular toy, a special moment or a particular stage of childhood. The feeling of everyone being together in that house, on that ordinary Tuesday afternoon. Those are the photographs that can take you back, like a time capsule.
So the next time your children are doing something completely ordinary, don’t wait. It’s fine if they’re in their pyjamas. It’s OK if there is toast on the sofa. It’s also OK if the wall behind them desperately needs a coat of paint. Pick up your camera, let them carry on, and enjoy the moment!
Aurélie Lenoir, Dublin family photographer
